At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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