I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
