Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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