so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
