last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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