We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
