Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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