**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
