I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
