rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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