so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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