wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize