Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
