Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
