this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i will never coherently bang her
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
