We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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