Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
