i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
