Just fell off a train. Bad.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
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