I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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