His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
