Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
