I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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