I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
