shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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