So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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