i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
