I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
