I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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