nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
