you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
