i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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