I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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