Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
