I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
