Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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