i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
