That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
