But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
