btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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