Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
