Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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