pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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