Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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