He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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