beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
