I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
