3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
