I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
