Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish i was in the wii world.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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