I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
pray to the hookup gods
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
