He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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