don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
