Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
