piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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