i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
