would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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