Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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