If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
