i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
