Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
