then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
