It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
