His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
