what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I supernannyed him into submission
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
